And while I'm waitin' here this heart of mine is singing

Crap oh crap oh crap

okay internal medicine?

Not- Going- Well.

Life?

Not Going Well.

Health?

Not Going Well.

My heart skips beats like ALL the time and not in a good way.

I feel awful and I'm getting these kind of attacks which I think are Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachycardias and I can't wait to tell my doctor.

I feel like dying every time they get me and the super duper part is that I keep wearing Holter machines when I'm well enough not to get an attack and except from my cardiologist, my guide, my hope for life, the man that understands me, everybody else thinks I'm over reacting.

Seriously, it's like my heart gets off the hook in the split of a second and then beats to 220 bom for about 4 seconds.

Four seconds my **s- it's like an eternity and I can feel my head throbbing, I totally freeze.

It's so horrible I hate it so much I can't even wish for it to get me while wearing the next Holter.

Soooo anyway my doctor called me and asked me to bring the holter machine back to him a couple of hours earlier. And when I got to the hospital it was so funny because the poor guy was being bullied by his consultant.

I mean- you would think that at the age of- I don't know, what- 50? 55? You would at least get to work gracefully with your colleagues of 20 years.

But I guess not.

The slimy consultant walked in to the room where my doctor was explaining tha Holter results to me and asked him in front of me- HIM, not me, IN FRONT if me, if the Holter was clear. My Doc said yeah, I copied it to the computer- and the consultant repeated in a totally non professional way:

"Yeah but it's clear- right? Everything is okay, right???" Meaning that I shouldn't have been wearing it anyway.

What a jerk.

I've never seen my doctor so angry- he is the nirvana type person- the kind of guy who works peacefully...

I should work towards that direction as well.

The patient, calm type thing.

I walked into the library in the morning and a fellow conrad stopped still at my hello and breathed:

"I am not well"

I was like "Oh my god- what's wrong???"

"I can't take the stress anymore, it's riving me crazy... I have tachycardias."

sound familiar?!?!

I was thrilled someone suffers like me.. *this doesn't sound as well as I mean it- but whatever*

I told him that he isn't alone and mentioned my Holter monitoring and I think I gave him ideas on how to spend the next week.

He also said he dreamt of saving Hansel and Grettle from the bad witch. (?!)

I too snap up in my sleep from ectopic beats...

That's what you get for sitting a final exam.

I am studying 8:30 - 20:45 and I think that's a lot.

I also had a fight with a girl over at the library.

I told her to stop talking on her phone. I told her everyday. She kept calling people from inside the study room.

And then I walked up to her and told her again.

And she got so pissed that she came outside and searched for me and yelled at me because GET THIS:

I irritate HER by telling her to be quiet all of the time. She studies hard every day, so what if she called her friend a couple of times? She needed to chat!

I asked her if she could read the signs that said No Mobile Phones.

oh- and she said I should drink less coffee.

Oh my god that was the final throw.

I couldn't believe my ears- she actually claimed her right to call people on the phone from the library???

The HELL she can- I will throw that phone out the window if she distracts me once more.

She keeps staring at me with hatred every day- but she takes her calls outside.

So I guess I got mine.

Hurrah...

Skype is a great thing.

I get to study and have my godsister on Skype directly from London realtime.

It's nice.

And we've decided we both desperately NEED iphones... 4G... we'll have to wait till September though, which is just as well since summer isn't a good time for phones- what with all the sun and the beach and the salty water.

... and the tanning oil, and the careless throwing of wet towels, and the dripping sandals, and pebbles, and wet hair.

I could go on.

But I won't...

One fun thing was the thousands of Harley Davidson motorcycles that came over for their annual festival in March.

I didn't make it to the crossing of the bridge, but I got to stand on the side walk while they came back from the bridge and they all paraded in front of me!!!

I loved it- it was great fun having them around.

Another good thing sinceI get to spend all this time at school is that I bumped into my mentor and he didn't think Urology is a bad idea- in fact he started giving me advice on how to sub-specialise...

All of this time I was afraid to tell him that I wanted to be a Urologist because I was afraid he would try to change my mind and fairly or not- his opinion matters-

so it felt great when he said it was okay!!!

I remember it as if it were yesterday when I sat down in the lecture hall for his first class, the first cool doctor in jeans showing up and I thought "Hmmm.. I would actually LIKE to be like him"

First it meant doctor, then it meant surgeon, and now it means urologist.

What do you know- I'll get to be like him after all.

Back to Bates now...

Enough for now... enough...

:-)